Top Ten Tips for a Stress Free Life!!

Following on from my previous blog, I've come up with my top ten tips on how to ease the pressure of our hectic lives.  Life will never be totally stress-free - that would be boring wouldn't it?  but if you get organised things will run a lot more smoothly and leave a little time for you....(it's a bit long, so grab a coffee and settle down for half an hour...)

1.   Get up early!  I realise this might not be very popular, but believe me, if you get up early,(ie about an hour before the rest of the family emerge) you will achieve a lot more in your day.  I naturally wake early, it's a pain at times, especially at weekends when I could do with a lie-in (a lie-in meaning till about 8-ish), but during the week I don't mind.  I get showered, put the lunches together (sandwiches made the previous evening - see later tip!), get out the breakfast things, do the ironing. Family get up (usually with not too much persuasion), and whilst they have breakfast I put my face on and do my hair.  No stress, no rushing - usually!

2. Prepare meals in advance.  This will save you loads of time and you will always have a home-cooked meal ready when you don't have the time or the inclination to cook.  Choose simple recipes that are quick and easy to prepare (I will put some of my favourite crowd-pleaser recipes on my blog soon), and prepare double or even triple the amount you need to feed your family. Invest in some plastic boxes and divide your meal into family sized portions, cool, label (unless you enjoy a surprise) and freeze.  Then all you need to do is prepare the accompaniments - veg, potatoes,rice, pasta. If it's a pasta meal you could even prepare the pasta and freeze that with the meal.  You will need to allocate say one day a month to do this - if you don't work full time, use a morning when you have done the school run. Be disciplined, start as soon as you get in...you will feel so virtuous when it's all done.  I tend to do this for the weekdays and then cook at weekends.  If you work, try to use a weekend and start early so that it doesn't occupy your whole day. Not easy, but if you are disciplined you will be glad you made yourself do it.

3. Make a meal plan.  If you plan what meals you are going to eat for the following week and shop accordingly, not only will you not have the daily headache of what to have for dinner, but you will shop smarter and have less waste.  If you follow Tip 2, you will need to do a mega-shop after having made your meal plan, but then the following weeks of the month you will just need to shop for perishables and essentials, like bread, milk, juice, veg and so on.  Also plan what you will have for lunches, and if like me you are just going to pre-prepare  your weekday meals, you will need to plan what you need to buy for your weekend meals.  Favourites in our family for Saturday tea are home-made pizzas, chicken and chorizo stew, and chicken fajitas... watch this space for the recipes.

4.  Choose your battles.  Shouting achieves very little. Fact.  However, that said, it is a sainted parent that doesn't resort to shouting on occasion.  But sometimes it can feel as though you do little other than scold your little darlings. If this is the case, do you feel as though they don't listen, never mind care?  That's probably because they have become immune. Perhaps you make idle threats that you never carry through? Your children will come to realise that you don't mean what you say, and think you just shout at everything. It could damage their self-esteem in addition to leaving you feeling totally out of control and stressed. So, what to do?  Set clear and achievable boundaries - for example they are only allowed onto their PS3 or Wii or whatever, if they have 'earned' enough minutes.  Award minutes for dressing themselves, doing their homework or whatever you feel will work.  It's also a good way of getting them to do what they usually don't want to do, and arguments will be fewer. Make sure you stick to any rules you set.  Avoid telling them off/shouting/moaning for minor misdemeanours. Remember they are children, they are learning. Instead, laugh with them about certain things, this will show them you are human, they will like you for it and not be afraid to make mistakes in future. Try to look at things through their eyes.  If you do this, then when you do scold them, they will take you much more seriously, life will be more pleasant and there will be less stress and tension.

5.  Learn to say 'No'  It's only  a little word, but we find it so hard to say don't we?   'Could you pick up Bobby for me', 'Can I bring four friends for tea?' 'Will you book the holiday today?', 'get the birthday present for my sister?' 'take Dad and I to the DIY store?'. So many little questions which on their own might not cause much trouble, but when you are being pulled in a million directions with numerous people asking 'little' favours, it can all start to get on top of you if you don't learn to say 'no' and not feel bad about it.  You don't have to explain yourself, you are allowed to say no.  Of course, it doesn't have to be a blunt 'no'. You might even feel better if you do make an excuse/explain.  But really, a simple 'I'm sorry, I won't be able to do that today' should suffice.  It would be a very pushy and selfish person that would pursue it further and get you to explain why you can't do that thing for them.  If you have time and you don't mind doing 'that thing' then say yes, but if it is going to overload you, or you just can't do it, give yourself permission to say 'No', and don't put yourself under un-necessary pressure.

6.  Make time for friends The value of friends can never be underestimated, but often we get so caught up in the maelstrom of our lives that before we know it, it is months since we had a catch up with our closest friends.  Of course real friends don't need constant contact.  The mark of a good friend is one with whom we can relax as if we had only seen them the day before even if it is months since we saw one another. But in today's busy world, spending even an hour over a coffee with a friend, where we can laugh, gossip, talk about our kids, have a little moan is life enhancing! It's a bit like therapy, but cheaper.  Schedule it in.  I know this sounds a bit rigid, a bit controlled, but if you schedule it in as a 'to do' along with cleaning the bathroom, shopping and ironing, it will become part of your routine, but an enjoyable part to look forward to.

7. Make time for your partner   These tips are in  no particular order, so I'm not saying that time with your partner is less important that time with your friends, make no mistake, it is VERY, VERY important!  We get a bit complacent with the person that we have committed ourselves to don't we?  After all, they are around, we sit watching TV with them in the evenings, we go on holiday with them, we eat our meals with them, and we sleep in the same bed as them. But do we ever have conversations with them similar to the ones we have with our friends?  Probably not, but why don't we have conversations with them like to the ones you had when you were first together?  Nowadays your conversation is likely to revolve around the kids, money, DIY and suchlike.  It takes a bit of effort to talk about other things, have a laugh together, remember why you fell for this person.  If going out in the evening isn't an option, what about going for a walk together, call at a pub for lunch, go to the gym together, play tennis. You might have to arrange with another mum that you will have their kids once a month and they will have yours (even just a couple of hours one Sunday so you can have that quality time together,)  if you don't have parents who can have them for you. And don't feel guilty. It is very important for your children that you have a good relationship with your partner and that they have good strong role models. Having a good relationship with your partner and understanding what makes them tick, will lead to less arguments and less stress.

8. Housework....aagghhh

Some people enjoy it, most don't.  My theory is that most people don't enjoy it because it is absolutely relentless.  It is ALWAYs there, looking at you, challenging you, you can't ignore it, becasue if you do your life will end up in chaos!  The only thing you can do is conquer it...take it by the scruff of the neck and don't let it rule you.

Try to do little bits instead of say, doing the entire house once a week.  You will come to dread that day, so don't stress yourself more than necessary.  Now I'm a bit anal when it comes to housework, I can't help it, it's in my genes.  I like my house clean, tidy, organised, but I have become more laid back - with children you have to be I think, there are always toys and clothes to pick up, cups to move, fingermarks to wipe away. Don't get too stressed by this, accept it as a normal part of having kids.  Now when I said split your housework into bits, I meant do it in bite-sized pieces and fit it in with whatever else you are doing. So, clean the bathroom when you have had your morning shower on a Saturday morning for example. You might be in the bathroom an extra 15 minutes or so, but if that's all you have to do housework-wise that day, it'll be time well spent.  I tend to clean my toilets and hand basins daily, again I do this at some point during the day when I have used them. It takes me just a couple of minutes each, and I hardly notice that bit of housework.  Try and do this with most of your housework tasks and it will recede into the background instead of being all-consuming.

9.  Appreciate what you've got

Today's society in Britain almost forces us to feel that we never have enough and that material possessions, the best of everything are what we need to be happy.  Now, I'm not immune to a bit of the old 'want, want want' but I've also come to realise that the most important things in making you happy are the people in your life. 

Your children - if you take the time to spend quality time with them (and not just ferrying them to and from school, taking them to footie or ballet, I mean doing things with them, listening to them, reading with them, laughing with them), you will feel a deep sense of inner happiness and joy. Enjoy their curiosity, their absolute lust for life, their innocence, and learn from it. 

Your partner - As in an earlier tip, try not take your partner for granted. Appreciate their qualities, their humour, their kindness, the way they treat you and your children, they way your children love being with them.  If you can't find any qualities you love and admire, it might not be the right partner

Your family - You may or may not be close to your family, you may live geographically far away, or emotionally you might not have close ties.  But, even if you don't spend an awful lot of time with your family, they will probably always be the ones who will be there for you if you need them.  If you have good relationships with your family and enjoy their company, let them know how much they mean to you, invite them to Sunday lunch, suggest a family get-together at a local pub. If you don't get on with your family, look at why that is and strive not to let it happen in yours.

Your friends - I strongly recommend friends to everyone!!  Not just your girlie friends. Your 'couple' friends, and if they have children the same age as yours, they are great to have around, even go on holiday with, as your children will have playmates, and will be set examples of how to socialise with those other than family members.

10. Budget

In today's financial climate this is more important than ever.  I can't preach on financial issues, but I would just recommend making yourself aware of what you spend in an average month - including all your regular outgoings (mortgagte, electricity, gas, petrol, food and so on). Then work out what you spend in an average YEAR on gifts (Christmas, birthdays, weddings, Christenings, anniversaries etc). Next, work out how much you spend on social activities and leisure (including all subscriptions to gyms, children's football, ballet, etc). Add in what you spend over the year on clothing, shoes and hairdressing. Finally, add what you spend on holidays (or what you need to spend in order to have a holiday - including spending money, insurance and any clothing you need to buy.  You might need to be revived with some oxygen when you tot up the final figure.  It will probably be a huge shock when you compare this to the total amount you bring in (husbands take home salary, yours if applicable, any benefits - child benefit, family tax credit and so on).  If the figures don't balance you can work out where you can make the savings.  You might find that you have been spending £100 a month on eating out - perhaps relatively inexpensive family-pub type meals but it all adds up, and this is somewhere you could cut back - it will help your health too.  If you expect to spend £4000 on a summer holiday, look at cheaper options - what about camping in the South of France?  Definitely warm enough to camp and the kids will love the adventure.

That's all my tips for reducing stress. I can't pretend that I always follow my own advice but I try!   I'd love to hear your tips too...

PS - Unofficial Tip 11 - Remember to keep blogging!  Another cheap therapy!

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